Is It Friday Already?
I went to a new gynecologist (Dr. E) today because I just got a PPO insurance plan and now I have the beauty of "doctor choice." So I'm shopping around for new doctors.
The doctor that delivered the Moosh is pretty good, although I wouldn't use him as an obstetrician again, I had no problem with him as a regular gyno. Unfortunately his office is at least a 30-minute drive from my house and since I have to arrange for a babysitter, I needed to find someone closer to home.
Since Dr. E's office was the closest to my house, I decided to go see him for an annual exam. I went to his office, he saw me in (on time!) we chatted for a bit, and then I got ready for my exam.
WARNING! WARNING! GROSS EXAMINATION STORY TO FOLLOW! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
He came in and did the breast exam and the speculum-and-pap-smear bit, no problem. Then he did his internal exam, which is never comfortable, but it went OK. And then he did something that I was not expecting: he stuck his finger in my ass. IN MY ASS, PEOPLE. Now I've been going to gyno appointments for several years now, and I have never had an ass-poking included. The worst part about it was that I TOTALLY WASN'T EXPECTING IT. He said something about my rectum and I thought he wanted to test my pelvic floor strength, so I tightened up, AND THEN HIS FINGER WENT IN MY ASS. And he kept it there for a while as he poked around my abdomen. He kept telling me to relax, for crying out loud. While his FINGER was in my ASS.
I don't think that I will be able to use this doctor any more. I think if I had been prepared, it wouldn't have been so bad. But I wasn't prepared, and it was bad.
The worst part of this whole thing was that for the duration of the ass-poking, all I could think about was this scene from The Usual Suspects where the cops have just rounded up the five main characters and they're sitting around the jail cell bitching about being arrested, when this exchange ensues:
Fenster: Man, I had a finger up my asshole tonight.
Hockney: Is it Friday already?
So as this doctor was giving me an ass-poking, all I could hear in my head was, "Is it Friday already?"
I think I need a female gynecologist.
The doctor that delivered the Moosh is pretty good, although I wouldn't use him as an obstetrician again, I had no problem with him as a regular gyno. Unfortunately his office is at least a 30-minute drive from my house and since I have to arrange for a babysitter, I needed to find someone closer to home.
Since Dr. E's office was the closest to my house, I decided to go see him for an annual exam. I went to his office, he saw me in (on time!) we chatted for a bit, and then I got ready for my exam.
WARNING! WARNING! GROSS EXAMINATION STORY TO FOLLOW! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
He came in and did the breast exam and the speculum-and-pap-smear bit, no problem. Then he did his internal exam, which is never comfortable, but it went OK. And then he did something that I was not expecting: he stuck his finger in my ass. IN MY ASS, PEOPLE. Now I've been going to gyno appointments for several years now, and I have never had an ass-poking included. The worst part about it was that I TOTALLY WASN'T EXPECTING IT. He said something about my rectum and I thought he wanted to test my pelvic floor strength, so I tightened up, AND THEN HIS FINGER WENT IN MY ASS. And he kept it there for a while as he poked around my abdomen. He kept telling me to relax, for crying out loud. While his FINGER was in my ASS.
I don't think that I will be able to use this doctor any more. I think if I had been prepared, it wouldn't have been so bad. But I wasn't prepared, and it was bad.
The worst part of this whole thing was that for the duration of the ass-poking, all I could think about was this scene from The Usual Suspects where the cops have just rounded up the five main characters and they're sitting around the jail cell bitching about being arrested, when this exchange ensues:
Fenster: Man, I had a finger up my asshole tonight.
Hockney: Is it Friday already?
So as this doctor was giving me an ass-poking, all I could hear in my head was, "Is it Friday already?"
I think I need a female gynecologist.
posted by Lisa C. @ 1:05:00 PM
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